From The Privy Council

"Beware the outhouse" was not exactly what Wendy said to me, but by mentioning the word 'outhouse' before my pending visit to Maquapit Lake, I knew that's what she meant.

We all fear the outhouse at Maquapit Lake, and why shouldn't we? There are three things to fear about the Maquapit cottage outhouse, as follows:

1) the likelihood that a raccoon will gnaw your genitals off if you (foolishly) dare to sit down.

2) Sit down? Are you crazy? You'll get splinters where you don't want them (see raccoon gnawing).

3) Have you ever looked down that hole? There's a mer de merde down there. Why would you enter a building that is the stunt double for the gates of hell?

Speaking of hell, did you know that there are some families in Newfoundland that rejoice in the last name Outhouse. Don't jump to any conclusions though. In Europe an outhouse is an outbuilding, not a sh___er (nod to Alton).

You might think that it would be odd to have a last name that #1) relates directly to an outbuilding, and #2) relates to #2. Well, it's not uncommon at all. For example, Jack and Ethel Baybebarn live on the Lower Cambridge Road. Hank and Mildred Toolshed live in Norton. It's a Maritime thing.

Getting back to the Maquapit cottage, I'm happy to announce that I didn't use the maison en plein air because the cottage now has an indoor composting toilet. There is one problem with that toilet, and it's that the 'room' which houses the toilet is minuscule. If you have shoulders, then there's no way you could fit inside... not a stumbling block for me.