When The Gales Of September Came Early...

The Godforsaken Sea

Who in the world would go to a Princess Auto store in British Columbia, buy an inflatable lounge chair, ship it to New Brunswick, take it to les Iles de la Madeleine, cast it into the surf....and then try to sit on it? Though I believe that Sean 'Batman' Boag was the 'brains' behind the operation, he was joined in the surf by Lisa 'Robin' Currer. They are a dynamic duo.

When I say 'dynamic' I really mean INSANE. Insane, in a good way. There is no challenge too great for them to contemplate and once they contemplate something, they act. They launched the inflatable lounge chair on a riled up beach known as Rivage, just downwind from the wreck of the Corfu. The inflatable chair with its indefatigable crew actually fared better than the crew of the Corfu....for a while. 

After about a half hour of enjoyable cruising, things took a turn for the worse. The good ship and crew, eventually, was in peril (no surprise there!). They might have split up or they might have capsized, they may have broke deep and took water. In fact, she did take on water and that was the end of her. She (the chair) washed up on the shore. The crew amazingly walked to safety in the angry, ankle deep Atlantic Ocean. 

The legend lives on.

Now you're a Baptist, Lisa!

The chair even has a fish finder.

Ed Grimley has a twin sister?!?

"This is better than the Disney tea cup ride."

The Edmund Fitzgerbils (outbound from the harbour)

"Now who's the Baptist, Sean? Arrrrr."

Qu'est qu'il se passe?

Wreck Beach?

Iles de la Madeleine: This Place Is Ridiculous!

Middle Martinique, 9 a.m.

This place is truly a windsurfer's paradise....at the moment. Here's what my week has been like:

Monday: 6.9 at the lagoon, SW20, sunny.
Tuesday: 5.9 at the lagoon, SW 20-40, sunny.
Wednesday: 4.7 at Pointe-aux-Loups, SW 30-50, sunny.
Thursday: day off. Drizzle/cloud.
Friday: 5.2/4.7 at Martinique/Lagoon, NE 40-60, cloud/sun.

Today: SW 40-60, sunny.
Tomorrow: SW 40-60, sunny.

This week has been better for windsurfing than my entire summer at home. Sheesh...I should move here, but I'm not.

I should mention that I'm making less of an effort to take pictures this year and more of an effort to windsurf. Here's a few more pictures from yesterday....

Portage du Cap, 12 p.m.

Like medicine, a second opinion is sometimes needed.

Martinique 9 a.m.

Now those are vagues!

Martinique at 12 p.m.

Martinique at 12 p.m.

The Ultimate UWM (Ultimate Windsurfing Mobile)

The romantic fool in me wants to buy this RV and turn it into the Ultimate Windsurfing Mobile. It's already 90% of the way there because it has over-the-top style and its zesty lemon outer shell is irresistible to my eye. Its commodious body would hold a coffee maker and all my windsurfing gear. The most important fact....Wendy likes it!

Now, it goes without saying that we won't buy it because it would be a pig on gas, but it's a delicious exercise in unbridled imagination. I need a vehicle that can handle all my gear for my wind pilgrimages to les Iles de la Madeleine, yet get me to and from Fredericton regularly.

Sadly, being a fuel efficiency devotee, I must find an UWM that's good on gas for those non-windsurfing commutes. What I really need is a FEDUP (fuel efficient, dual-utility provider) but I'm tired of looking because no one makes one. That's why I'm looking at outrageous RVs. Gawd, the one in today's picture is a classic. Maybe in another life?

The poor thing is just sitting in a field, being neglected. I could fit it right into my boathouse and work on it. Guests visiting us could sleep in it. It would be cheaper than building a wing with aspare bedroom onto the house. Oh, no, I think I've just talked myself into buying it except....

It's not for sale. Whew!

Or is it?

Ice Bucket Challenge: Wendy Aux Ziles Version

Wendy, Julian and I were challenged to drop a bucket of ice water on our heads as part of an ALS fundraiser. I'm not sure if Wendy would have done it (click on image to watch video) had she not seen Julian do it first, and I'm not sure which is more of a shock, that Julian did it or that Wendy did it. It should come as no shock that I'm not doing it. Two outta three ain't bad.

So, Ian, why are you not doing it?

Good question. I'm half tempted to answer that question with a question...why should I? Should I do just because everyone else is doing it? That's never worked for me. If I lived my life that way I'd be a drunk dad with a job, according to some research that was conducted about 15 years. If everyone jumped off the Cambridge-Narrows bridge, would I? Of course not.

Is it in my nature to be a contrarian? Do I buck the trend just for the sake of bucking the trend? Is it a 'rebel against the mainstream' lifestyle that I live or pretend to live? There's not much proof of that: Tim Horton's fatwa, haven't watched television in 9 years, drive a crappy old car, Leisurologist, refuse to wear a suit or tie, don't own a cell phone, skinny, windsurf instead of playing hockey, abhor ATV News, stay-at-home Dad, don't care what Rick Mercer or Jeff Hutcheson or Jann Arden are doing. For god's sake, I'm 51 and I own a skateboard....I'm just like everyone else!

You. Are. A. Freak. If I could lift a bucket of ice water and dump it on your head, I would. 

You know, I'm happy for the ALS Society that they've raised a packet of money for research. ALS is perhaps the worst disease in the world, though it's not something that can be ranked. It's enough to say that it's awful and a cure would be a blessing. I've only ever known one person who had ALS and it was terrifying to watch the disease progress. Would I be happy to donate $$ to ALS research? Yes, in theory. In practice I can't give money to everyone who knocks at my door, and I didn't feel like taking an ice bath before this challenge came along. Still don't. I can't/won't grow a mustache every Movember either.

You probably couldn't grow a mustache ever. Kidding. Not!

The herd mentality scares me. It's only independent thought that has got me this far. I have to live my life, not yours.....and so I am who I am. Feel free to ask me anything because I am an open book, but keep in mind that I'm the author of that book. It's an autobiography.

No man is an island.

I consider myself an island or, at the very least, an islet. I might have said 'I'm an isthmus' but I really hate the word isthmus. I always feel like I'm lithping when I thay that word.

Now you're talking nonthenth.

August 27 Windsurf

To celebrate my parents' 62nd wedding anniversary today, I went windsurfing! So...happy anniversary Mom and Dad (Mootha and Gup). You'll be happy to know that I enjoyed a strong southwest wind at Pointe-aux-Loups (Îles de la Madeleine).

P.S. I rigged a 4.7, in case  you were wondering. About twenty others celebrated your anniversary with me.

Pie, Anyone?

Robert...you could have saved me!

In the first image you see Robert Grant thoughtfully warning me "Ian. look out". He never actually said that, neither did his wife Teresa. Wendy didn't say anything. Sean didn't warn me, and Lisa, well, she was the one holding the pie.

Needless to say, I got pied yesterday, and it was pieing perfection. It happened at the lagoon with a handful of French windsurfers witnessing the event. They really must wonder about we Anglos. They wouldn't have known the back story to the pieing, and perhaps you don't. Let's back up for a moment so I can tell the tale of the pie....

Do you remember years ago there was a group that would throw pies in the faces of politicians? I loved what they were doing...I admired them greatly. You can make a political or religious statement without killing people, at least in Canada. It's anarchy at its best.

I've always been a vocal advocate of pieing, and somehow Lisa was aware of this. A long time ago, perhaps 2008, Lisa attempted to pie me on the Iles de la Madeleine ferry. She made one crucial error in her attempt...she entrusted the physical act of throwing the pie to another person, Crazy Dave Cuthbertson (yes, he of the now infamous Road Rage running videos). Dave came up short on the actually planting of the pie in my face, and I think Lisa was always a bit disappointed.

Over the years I've taunted Lisa about it. I even went to far as to mention that 'I've always wanted to be pied myself'. This was simply too much for Lisa to take. With an admirable dose of patience and a larger dose of whip cream and pie crust, Lisa finally went for the gold....and she got it! Actually, I got it.

It pains me to admit this but....Lisa got me. Lisa got me good.

Will you retaliate, Ian?

No, I don't think so. Retaliation has never been my style <wink, wink>. I will keep an eye on her though.

My eyes were spared by the use of safety glasses.

Lisa, proudly displaying the empty pie plate.

Les Aventures de Shone et Lise (Aux Ziles)

The first thing we noticed 'aux ziles' is the strange behaviour of the 'west coasters', as well as a great deal of 'inflation' in the local economy.

Nemo

You know how some people have a reaction to pollen, right? Some people have a violent reaction to peanuts too. Some simply recoil at the smell of cheese or egg salad sandwiches. Everyone has something that causes them to react or behave in a strange manner. For me, it's my friends Lisa and Sean. When they are physically in my presence, I tend to spasm (see video).

This video will mean little or nothing to most viewers, so a little background information might be helpful. Many years ago Sean and Lisa took a stuffed Nemo toy and tucked it into my roof-rack mounted windsurfer bag. Nemo's sad little face was poking out. I drove all across les Iles de la Madeleine with Nemo eyeballing traffic behind my car. Lisa and Sean were delighted by their cunning little prank.

Over the years Nemo has appeared here and there, often at the strangest of time and place. Eventually one of Nemo's eyeballs came loose and then the gag became one to hide Nemo's eye. Sadly Nemo's eyeball was lost so now we're down to using makeshift eyeballs as you will see in today's video. My house was booby-trapped yesterday with a number of surrogate Nemo eyeballs, one of which I almost ate.

One can never rest when Sean and Lisa are around. They, as a couple, are the second most talented pranksters in the room.

And who is the number one ranked prankster, Ian?

I'm not prepared to answer that question right now, other than to say that actions speak louder than words. Stay tuned.

Bar Harbor 2014

A well balanced rock star....rare!

Julian and I packed a lot of fun and hilarity into our 24 hour visit to Mount Desert Island (aka Bar Harbor, aka Acadia National Park). We hit all of our favourite spots (EPI Subs, Cadillac Mountain, Sand Beach, Seafood ketch Restaurant, the Hinckley Boat Company, Jordan's Restaurant, the Colonel's Bakery, Acadia Mountain, Park Loop Road, Seal Harbor, Sargent Drive, etc.). It felt good to be back!

Seal Harbor...good enough for Martha Stewart.

The harbor at Bar Harbor

Acadia Mountain...our first hike

Julian on Acadia Mountain

Ian at Sand Beach (lonely, but in love)

Tack shop terror...."look at this shit!"

Perhaps the cheapest motel in eastern North America...and we luckily found it!

Oops....just one bed but at least it was a queen size. Cozy!

Cadillac-luster athletes?

The Beehive (not my neighbour's hairdo)

Julian and I took a quick trip to Mount Desert Island yesterday. A 30 hour whirlwind to the island that I love, and I do love Mount Desert Island. I was just a little bit less in love with it this time, though it's no fault of the island itself. The problem? People. More specifically....tourists!

This was perhaps the busiest I've ever seen Bar Harbor, the main town on the island. It was crawling with 'tack shop tourists' licking ice creams and ogling the myriad trinkets for sale. They were also taking up all the parking spots and hogging the sidewalks.

Take a look at today's image....it's of The Beehive, one of Acadia National Park's famed hikes. It might be difficult to see unless you enlarge the image, but the Beehive was buzzing with.....(ack) people! Julian and I decided not to hike the Beehive because it was jammed with people. If that wasn't enough, we couldn't even find a parking spot below (not even along the road). It was a zoo!

It's nice to see a place fall victim to its own success....doesn't happen too often. It was a valuable lesson for me (not that I've fallen victim to my success...or have I?). The lesson was to never go back again in mid-August. In the future I'll go back in late June or September, but I will go back.

Also worth mentioning: the doughnuts at the Colonel's Bakery in Northeast harbor are to die for...literally and figuratively. They were stunningly delicious, particularly the cinnamon one (but they're all awesome).

Fried? Oh....

On Tuesday evening, at the movie theatre/mall, Julian and I watched in horror as our friend ate an order of onion rings, drank a staggeringly huge glass of  pop (32 oz.) and then polished off an ice cream sundae (with sprinkles!). We weren't horrified for our friend's health because he has a metabolism that defies science and laughs in the face of diabetes....for now. We were horrified to think what would happen to us if we ate the same 'supper'.

I'd gain five pounds and have an acre of pimples across my face. I think Julian just figured he'd balloon up to the size of the Hindenburg and then burst into a gaseous ball of flames. Oh...the humanity.

We're eating ourselves to death, methinks. Driving through Saint John yesterday I was astounded by the level of obesity that I witnessed. I struggled to understand how this could possibly happen, then I drove past the 'Fried Dough' sign (in Rothesay, the last bastion of skinniness, no less!).

And what does one drink with fried dough? Sunny D? Coke? Hemlock? Oh...the humanity.

We. Are. Doomed.

Planet Of The Bored

I did the unthinkable last evening...I went to a movie at the Cineplex in Fredericton. Apart from selling my soul to the Mulroneys, it's perhaps the second less likely thing that I would choose to do. Nevertheless, that is exactly what I did last night.

You might wonder....'what glorious movie was showing last night that would be so riveting as to drive our beloved Leisurologist from the comfort of his couch? Better yet, whose idea was this in the first place'?

In my defence, it was not my idea. It wasn't Julian's idea either, as he's not one to run to the movie theatre too often (if ever). It was the idea of Julian's friend, Colin, who I happened to stumble upon in the Fredericton Mall parking lot. Colin, a bluenoser who hails from Nova Scotia, but is now working in Alberta on oil rigs, was visiting his grandparents in Cambridge-Narrows. Feeling slightly under-stimulated, he hopped in his pimp-mobile and drove to Fredericton looking for fast women, junk food and some simian satisfaction. He found two out of three.

Colin said to Julian and me 'do you want to go watch the new Planet Of The Apes movie'? Julian was first to answer...a resounding 'no'. I hummed and hawed, mostly because I wanted to go (having been a chump chimp myself when the first wave of Ape movies blessed our movie theatres...1968-1973). Colin then announced that because it was Tuesday, it was cheap ticket night. Julian, hearing the beat of distant bagpipes approaching, warmed to the idea. It wasn't until I goaded him into going that he relented. He probably thought that I would pay for his ticket, but when we got to the ticket counter I only bought one ticket for myself. I out Scottished him! That said, he didn't looked too pained when he reached in his sporran and drew out a few quid.

The movie itself was entertaining but, like so many movies, it left me with the lingering question of 'why bother making that movie'? The answer, as is always the case, is because humans are bored and they need to be entertained. It's that simple. We no longer have to swing through the jungle looking for bananas....we have time on our hands. We're collectively bored because life is too easy....and that's why we go to the movies. It also explains eTalk.

Portrait Of Mootha

Here's a picture that I took of Mootha the other day. It's a classic Mootha pose.

Nielsen Family Party: Summer 2014 Edition (aka The Max Show)

There are many reasons to take joy in a Nielsen family party, but nothing more than in the sportsmanship involved in whatever game is played. The Nielsens are competitive, of this there can be no doubt, but there's more to it than that. There's a certain level of theatrics to their game playing, and when we're talking about theatrical game playing, no one is more impressive than Max!

The youngest and smallest member of the family is in many ways the largest. Just look at his croquet style. Though Max's father, Erik, sells style, Max wears it....on his face, and on the croquet pitch (if you can call my lawn a pitch).

Max is a photographer's dream (and a croquet ball's nightmare). He swings his croquet mallet like a half-cut John Daly during a long ball competition! Fore!! He takes corners like Sidney Crosby on ice, even though there's no such thing as 'taking corners' in croquet.

Max is today's blog celebrity for his croquet theatrics. I don't think anyone else in the family comes close, although there are a few 'would be' challengers...

Road Rage 3: The Feet Of Angels

Crazy Dave Cuthbertson was back yesterday and looking for yet another re-match against Julian. We decided to change the One Mile Challenge to make it more simple, and this change seemed to pay dividends for Crazy Dave.

We moved the course from Cambridge-Narrows to the Lower Jemseg Flats (the road to the Gagetown ferry). We used the Official Pace Car of the Road Rage Runs (our blue Ford Focus wagon) to pace off one mile, then the gun went off and the lads were running.

Did I mention Crazy Dave's secret weapon? New sneakers! He bought himself a brand spanking new pair of shiny blue Asics (to match the Focus wagon??). It would appear that these new sneakers gave Dave an advantage....the feet of an angel. Dave ran the mile in 6 minutes, 44 seconds taking a whopping 42 seconds off his last personal best 21 century time. That's Crazy! Julian crossed the line in his usual time, though it's worth mentioning that he was not on his game yesterday.

Julian is justifiably worried by Dave's angel-footed performance. If Dave ran a 6:44 mile after only three runs, what will the future bring? Dave might be able to shatter the 6 minute mile with some practice. All the pressure has switched from Dave to Julian. It'll be interesting to see what Road Rage 4 looks like, because Road Rage 3 was a shocker.

Bike Pathology

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again...one of the most intelligent things the city of Fredericton ever did was to convert the old railway lines to bike paths. Fortunately, for us, Mom's nursing home is adjacent to the Woodstock Road bike path and we make the most of it. Yesterday we wheeled Mom to Tingley's for an ice cream. Mom enjoyed the journey as much as the destination, as the pictures prove.

Dream Machines

There was a time when I thought I wanted a good sized sailboat (i.e. 42 feet), but then I realized two things:

1) I couldn't afford one,

2) The bigger the toy, the more work/expense/hassle involved.

I finally settled on a windsurfer which was both affordable and exhilarating. This is how I currently get my sailing thrills.I also enjoy 'power-boating\, but like my sailing situation, I've decided that affordability trumps size and/or luxury. Let's take a look at what you can get for differing amounts of money....

Without a shred of a lie, I believe that Wendy and I have as much fun with our diminutive Explorer 200 as any of the fat cat/mucky-mucks get on their luxury yachts or offshore inflatables. I like the idea of keeping life simple and being happy with the basics*.

*this philosophy applies to yachts, not women.