Cracks In The Crystal

Nine years ago I stopped watching television because I found the news to be too depressing and the rest of the programming to be mindless. Sitcoms simply spoon-fed me punch lines and I was feeling punch (line) drunk. Of course there was still Wheel Of Fortune but I was starting to obsess about the size of Pat Sajak's head. It's really huge, eh? Monstrous. Have you really looked closely at his head-to-body ratio. He's a freak.

I digress.

The writing was on the screen....give up television or become a zombie, so I gave it up. I was worried about becoming ignorant with regard to current events, so I started listening to the radio and also getting my news on the internet. My 'go to' site for internet news is CBC.ca. It seems to be the best of the bunch as far as I'm concerned, and I am concerned quite far.

The news still gets me quite depressed: Israel shelling UN compounds, eBola disease claiming victims, commercial airliners being shot down for no reason, New Brunswick becoming insolvent, Alison Redford and her sense of entitlement, the Rob Ford circus....need I go on? There's a lot of bad stuff happening in this world. Thankfully there also a lot of comedy to be mined from the news (see Rob Ford circus). My favourite kind of comedy is the type that's not meant to be comedy. Take today's image (screen shot), for example....

Crystal Palace Closure Leaves Some Tourists 'Pretty Mad'

There is a smidgen of humour when you think that tourists would actually give a sh_t about Crystal Palace. What kind of a tourist would care if a tiny indoor theme park was to close? If you came to New Brunswick to enjoy glorified indoor teeter-totters, then you're not a tourist....you're a moron. Take a walk in Fundy Park, go whale watching (Bay of Fundy or Oromocto Mall), explore the tides, paddle a river, blah-blah-blah. There's lots to do....outdoors!

It's not the headline that's memorable in this news report, it's the sub-headline. Take a look....

Dieppe Mayor Yvon Lapierre Expects Overall Tourism To Rise With New Bass Pro Shops Store.

I've often wondered why people were attracted to Moncton. Apparently tourists flock to Moncton for the shopping (I'm chuckling). I'm chuckling because it's an absolutely absurd notion...and it's also true! Yes, people are attracted to Moncton for the shopping, like flies to sh_t. Not often that I used that word twice in one blog but Moncton and  shopping brings out the worst in me.

Wendy! Load up the pick-up truck, hang the dice on the rear-view mirror, pack a picnic lunch....we're going to Moncton to visit the new Bass Pro Shop (geeuh geeuh).

Gawd(!), do I live in a backwoods hillbilly province or what? I could scream but no one would hear me....they're all shopping in Moncton, or bass fishing.