It's A Very, Very....Mad World

Last evening Wendy and I went to a party. To protect the 'innocent', I'll give everyone at the party a nickname (this could get confusing). Bear with me, though there were no 'bears' there other than Rupert-the-bear, who wasn't a bear, or remotely dandyish, even though he likes to cook and is a counter-tenor from England.

Wendy and I were invited to Orange Weave's condo for a dinner party. We had no idea who would be there but, as it turned out, there were ten and a half of us.

At one point in the evening, Al, a mucky-muck at the COC, was wearing Orange's fur stole for warmth while standing on a window ledge smoking a cigar by an open window. He was not alone. You remember 102 year old PG resident, Marjorie Raptors? Well, her granddaughter was also smoking a cigar. I don't blame her for smoking. In fact, a cigar seems far less mind-bending than I would have expected given that she was recently fined $800 by Canada's Border Security Services for failing to declare that she had an apple in her purse while crossing the border back into Canada.

Yes, an $800 fine. Looks like the three senators got off lightly, and Rob Ford gets a weekly paycheque.

Another guest, Myles Mannered, told a hilarious tale of an Orange Weave visit to cottage country. As the story goes, Orange had had quite a bit to drink at the cottage of Myles Mannered's friend, a 70 year old woman who apparently likes to show her breasts at parties. If you're 89, or Benny Hill or Dandy Ean, then this might be of interest. If you're 21 or 50, then it's kind of dodgy. Anyways, Orange had been outside but decided to she was hungry. She waltzed through the entire cottage wearing a string bikini, walked up to the hostess and proceeded to loot her dinner plate of lettuce, then was challenged to sing something operatic which she did. Somewhere in this 'performance' there was also a handstand. Of course there was.

At the end of the cottage country party, Myles, who was the designated sober boat driver, watched the drunken 70 year old flasher nearly get destroyed while walking down the stairs to the boat dock. Did she trip on account of excessive alcohol consumption? No. She was nearly 'taken out' by an NHL hockey player who lost his footing, likely on account of excessive alcohol consumption. Two minutes for roughing.

Getting back to last night's party, there was an 8 year old child there, the daughter of the mucky-muck who doesn't seem mucky at all. There was a poodle wearing a flashing red light and, yes, the poodle was dancing. The poodle's name was Nelson. Nothing extraordinary there, except that the poodle was named after Lord Horatio Nelson. Nelson's owner's previous dog was named Bismarck. Welcome to the world of the gay jewelery designer!

But there's more. The jewelry designer, who couldn't be nicer I might add, had an encyclopedic knowledge of The Flintstones. He, himself, had a semi-Flintstonian frame which supported a handsome crop of Barney Rubblesque hair. Did he wear funky, delightfully Diamond glasses? Of course he did! His glasses were totally Mr.Slate, except rectangular.

You know, in retrospect, I wouldn't have batted an eye if Andy Warhol had risen from the dead, put his hair in curlers and joined the party. And if you're wondering about the image that accompanies today's blog.....at one point everyone at Orange's party was wearing animal masks, including the topiary dog that lived on the kitchen floor.

So, in closing, I say to myself 'welcome to the Zoo'. I feel like I have arrived.