So Bye-Bye Mr.Canadian Pie

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that blog used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But February made me shiver
With every blog I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the blog died.

Today is that day. I've driven to the levee (in The Dumbo) and you know what I found? It was dry. It's time to move on.

The. Blog. Is. Dead. (Le. Blog. Est. Mort., for my French viewers)

Here's a few interesting stats about the blog:

- it was started on May 22, 2012

- in 2012 I posted 93 blogs

- in 2013 I posted 289 blogs

- in 2014 I posted 365 blogs

- in 2015 I posted 44 blogs

- I used 960 images or illustrations in the blog.

- my most viewed blog was 'Tales From White-Tails' (May 26, 2014) which got 328 views. This stat is a bit depressing because this particular blog didn't really say much other than 'white-tailed deer are called white-tailed deer because they have white tails'. This scintillating text was accompanied by an attractive photo.

- I've had 25 849 page views since the blog started. 14 202 of those views came from Canada. 5268 from the United States. 1116 from Germany. 1093 from Russia. 591 France. 441 Ukraine. 319 Malaysia. 264 Poland. 219 Latvia. 203 Turkey. My spider-senses kind of make me feel that a few people stumbled onto the blog while tripping on the web.

- 30% of my viewers used Firefox as their browser. Safari 24%. Chrome 23%. Internet Explorer 17%.

- 51% of my viewers use Windows as their operating system. 26% Macintosh. 6% Linux. 6% iPad. 4% iPhone. 3% Android.

The most astounding stat that I saw was that someone from Afghanistan looked at my blog last week. Actually that's the second most astounding thing about this blog. The first most astounding thing is......drum roll, please........that you read it! Thank you, and bye-bye.

Ian V.
Friday the 13th, February, 2015

Git Yer Woman Runnin' ('Head' Out On The Sidewalk)

It's been a little over a year and a half since Wendy started jogging. I'm proud to say that she's still motivated to gyrate her gams regularly. She goes downstairs to our condo gym three mornings a week and jogs on the treadmill. If for some reason she can't make it to the gym, she genuinely misses the running and feels less good.

I'm impressed by all of this. I'm so impressed that I decided to put Wendy on the cover of Canadian Running magazine. Wendy's aunt Carolyn will be envious, as will PT who was once a world class marathoner before giving it up to play Radiohead on piano (don't ask...there may well be an explanation in tomorrow's blog).

Go To Hell: Tickets From $50 (for a good cause)

Pope Frank has been having one hell of a time in the past year or so. In May 2014 he announced that mobsters can't take 'blood stained money' to the after-life. Here's more of what he said...

"This life that you live now won't give you pleasure. It won't give you joy or happiness," he said. "Blood-stained money, blood-stained power, you can't bring it with you to your next life. Repent. There's still time to not end up in hell, which is what awaits you if you continue on this path."

In January of 2014 a story circulated that Pope Frank said
that the Roman Catholic Church "no longer believes in a literal hell where people suffer."  The story also attributed the Pope as saying that hell was a "literary device" and "metaphor."

The story was untrue...a media hoax. You can't believe everything you read or see on the internet, including my blog.

Now, imagine the excitement at World Baptist Headquarters (somewhere in the deep southern United States) when this false media report hit the internet. I can imagine that they would have been in a tizzy. It's my understanding that the Born-Again Baptists are not big fans of the Catholic Church. If what the Pope said was true then the Baptists would have had to re-write all of their marketing material and re-tool their rhetoric, plus printing is rather expensive. Their marketing department would have been in utter chaos. They, no doubt, are happy that hell is back in vogue.

So, Ian, what are your thoughts on hell?

Oh, that's easy. I believe that hell was invented to control people. It's one of the most effective marketing tools ever invented. And I do mean 'invented'. I firmly believe that. 

Hell, I proffer, exists in two places:

1) the mind
2) on Earth today.

Hell exists for those who suffer at the hands of ISIS, military conflict, domestic dispute, racism, intolerance, bullying, disease, Vikings, famine, etc. All human-made conditions (mostly man-made). This is the hell that I mention as being 'on Earth today'. The other hell (shall we call it the biblical hell?) lives in the mind, but only if you believe in it.

I suppose there is one other kind of hell....a blended hell that lives in your mind but may also exist on Earth. 

I assume that explains today's image?

Ninety-One!

My Dad (and #1 blog reader) turned 91 years old yesterday. You'd think at this age he'd sit high up on a mountain top, espousing wisdom. He would, except there are no mountains in New Brunswick, plus it would be rather chilly sitting outdoors at the moment.

Dad does, however, sit high on a hill and he often quotes National Geographic to me. Sometimes he quotes Scientific American but he knows most of that is lost on me (as I am not inclined toward the sciences).

Math is more my subject. Take a look at the spin I put on my Dad's birthday card.

Ian, is math a science? Maybe you are a scientific genius? This card has changed my view on you. In fact, it's done a 180.

Is math a science? That's a tricky question. Let's do some scientific investigating (Wikipedia)....

Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855) was a German born mathematician, often being credited as one of the best (not much competition...hehe). Gauss referred to math as the 'Queen of Sciences'. I'm unsure what the King of Sciences was but I assume that it was Entomology, but I can't bee sure.

Just because Gauss called math the Queen of Sciences doesn't mean that math is a science. Gauss could have been a royal bullshitter as well as a mathematical genius.

"In the original Latin Regina Scientiarum, as well as in German Königin der Wissenschaften, the word corresponding to science means a "field of knowledge", and this was the original meaning of "science" in English, also; mathematics is in this sense a field of knowledge. The specialization restricting the meaning of "science" to natural science follows the rise of Baconian science, which contrasted "natural science" to scholasticism, the Aristotelean method of inquiring from first principles."

I didn't Aristotally understand a word of that, but I'm pretty sure that I saw the phrase 'bacon ian'. Mmmm...bacon.

You really are not a scientist, are you, Ian? You might, however, be a science project. If anyone ever studies the science of 'you are what you eat', then you'd be an interesting case. Oink, oink.

Guilty. I did have bacon on the weekend.

At this point there is no tidy way that I can wrap up today's blog. I can't think any connection between my Dad's 91st birthday yesterday, Carl Gauss, bacon and the question of 'is math a science'. I'll just have to cast you adrift in your own thoughts, blown gently off course by bacon scented winds of nothingness.

The Table Manners Of A Cowntess

My dear Wendy has earned a great reputation over the years. First as an opera singer and shortly afterwards as a voice teacher. Teaching voice is now her full-time profession and passion. She is known widely in operatic circles as a woman who gets results from those with whom she works. She is held in high esteem both publicly and professionally, but what's she like at home?

I know her better than anyone, so who better to speak of her domestic loveliness than me? But why speak when I can share a little video that I shot? Here's a look at Wendy that the public never sees, at least not since The Ponderosa steakhouse on Prospect Street (F'ton) shut down its salad bar in 1984.

Been There, Dundas?

I've got the remnants of a mild head cold this morning and, as such, I don't feel like writing anything . I really shouldn't even write this much, but I do owe my dear readers a few words.

This street art (alley mural) was photographed near Dundas Street West and Dufferin Street. I have no idea what the artist was saying, but I liked his/her style. That's one expressive face.

Okay, I'm done writing. Now I must go back to feeling sorry for myself.

Real Fur For Real?

It seems like everyone in our condo building has a dog, so Wendy thought she would get me a dog too. Wendy knows that my days are long and lonely, and that a dog would keep me company and give me plenty to do.

Yeah, it'll give you something to 'do' all right, like picking up dog doo-doo and vacuuming dog hairs.

One day, out of the blue, Wendy showed up at the condo with a Spaniel. It wasn't a Cocker Spaniel, an angry little breed of ankle biters of which I'm familiar with, but a Royal Cloaker Spaniel. It turns out that the Royal Cloaker Spaniel is a royal Egyptian breed.

In honour of the dog's heritage I wanted to name it Anwar Sadat, but Wendy wouldn't go for it. I then suggested Hosni Mobarkat but, again, Wendy ixnayed the name. We finally decided on Rover although when Wendy's not around I still call the dog Anwar. Please don't tell her about this. Oh, I suppose it doesn't really matter now (sigh)....

Anwar ran away.

Last week I was walking Anwar in Allan Gardens and he managed to get off his leash. He took off and I never saw him again. I looked high and low, every day, for a week but no sigh of Anwar. I put up signs but still no luck. Yesterday I decided to go back one more time in case anyone had seen him. I spoke to a couple of women who I often see in the park near the fenced off dog park area, One of women was named Cruella De Something-or-other (I think she was Romanian). Odd name. Anyway she curtly claimed that she never saw my dog and then walked away rather briskly.

It's weird but I had a strange sense that Anwar was nearby yesterday. I felt that Cruella knew something but wasn't telling me the truth. I guess I'll never know.