Let's Talk About Lovely Legs

Here I go again....discussing my least desirable body parts. It's a bit of a theme in my life. I'm always, for example, talking about my gut. Compared to all my other body parts, my stomach is just a little bit bigger, and that's why it gets the bulk of my disdain. The fact is that I've got a small gut, especially when you compare it to the average New Brunswick man. A lot of local guys look like they're eleven months pregnant...with twins!

A lot of uber religious zealots think that dinosaurs roamed the earth about 6000 years ago, then went extinct. They pretty much believe the Flintstones was a non-fiction documentary cartoon, though perhaps not so far as to use a woolly mammoth as a shower nozzle or a turtle on a stick as a  lawn mower. I believe that we humans are evolving into dinosaurs, at least in terms of size. We are getting bigger and bigger. Take a look around the Oromocto Mall sometime. The brontosaurus is back!

Whoa...I'm getting sidetracked. This blog is supposed to be about my physical woes. If I could change one thing about my physique, surprisingly it wouldn't be the gut of which I incessantly speak. It wouldn't be about my ample nose, balding head or salmon-like shoulders. No, it would be about my legs, because....

I. Have. No. Legs.

In today's illustration/image I've used Celine Dion's legs in place of my own because they're bigger and more impressive. Celine Dion's legs are like two pool cues on a hunger strike....and mine are smaller! <sigh>
The only thing more depressing than having Celine Dion legs would be to have the rest of her (the parts that talk or sing!). But enough about Celine, let's talk about love....

I love to talk about my gut. I honestly think that I'd be depressed if I had a six-pack stomach...I'd have nothing to whine about other than the Environment Canada wind forecasts, idiot drivers, my idiot neighbours and their moronic mutt, potholes, refined sugar in bran flakes, the decline of the Tim Horton's apple fritter, telemarketers, noisy Cigarette boats, jet skis doughnuteers, Stephen Harper's politics and hair, David Alward's politics, and why banana prices at the Co-op are always better than the Superstore. In contrast to this partial list, my gut rants don't have legs to stand on because I don't really have a gut, so that's why I rant about my legs now....if I had some.

You've got some 2000 body parts (unsubstantiated independent study, Lever Brothers Corporation). Which do you like? Which do you dislike? Which are you missing?

P.S. That's not my gut and man boobs in today's image. Mine are waaaaay bigger.