Fashion Bashion

You know that I'm very much interested in fashion, right? Umm, wrong. I think fashion is often outrageous, wasteful (by times) and sadly shallow. Even more so, it's inefficient unless you think a $1400 manbag is going to get you what you deserve in life. Yesterday I was flipping through EnRoute magazine when I stumbled upon the fashion page.

Oh. My. God.

The model, who I'm sure is a nice young man and likely terribly embarrassed by everything except the pay-cheque, is dressed like my granny. And what's with the handbag? Masher!

He. Looks. Ridiculous.

Oh, but it's far more than looking ridiculous. It's criminally wasteful of money. I can type this with impunity while wearing my $25 DC jeans from Winners (that fit like a glove and keep my privates warm with military precision). Let's take a closer look at his ensemble:

Coat: $595
Sweater: $114
Chemise: $45
Pants: $325
Chaussures: $325
Bag: $1435
Watch: $2400
Chaussettes: $16

The grand total of this man's 'look' is $5255. I repeat, $5255. The car which I recently bought cost about $7000 (tax included).

This. Is. Madness.

Maybe this fashion page appears simply for the shock value. Maybe the people at EnRoute know that dolts like me will be talking about the over-sized manbag to their beer swillin' buddies (and blog readership). Maybe people will be encouraged to fly Air Canada just to read enRoute (in disbelief). Air Canada always gives me something to gasp about....what, no pretzels anymore?! <insert gasping sound>. A $1400 manbag.<insert gasping sound>. You get the picture, and I apologize for today's.

Lest you think me full of negative energy, allow me to end on a positive note. Did you happen to notice that model-boy is wearing flood pants? Serious flood pants. This is my 'in' to fashion because I can do flood pants without trying. Buying pants long enough for my skin stilts is excruciatingly difficult. Even in places like Toronto, I can't find pants long enough for my Wilt-the-stilt gams. I suspect that the flood pant look is not functional (oh, it's raining) other than to show off metro-sexual man's pretty chaussettes (a bargain at $16, in relative terms, though I can get a three-pack of tube socks at Winners for $8).

All of this fashion talk reminds me of a story....I know that I don't dress as fashionably as other Toronto men, particularly in our neighbourhood (or Yorkville). I dress myself like a rural New Brunswick man (a dim-witted victim from a David Adams Richards novel). One day Wendy and I were walking along a Toronto side street when I got all excited. I spotted a man who was dressed just like me, in our neighbourhood! He was wearing white sneakers, khaki cargo pants, a red-checked lumberjack-jack-jack-jack-jacket and a ball cap. Here's how my brief conversation with Wendy unfolded:

Ian: (effusively) Look! There's someone dressed just like me!!

Wendy: (dryly) Ian, that's a homeless person.

Ian: Sigh (not really).