Headlines That Cause Lines On My Head: Yay or Neighhhhh?

Every now and then we see a headline in the news that puzzles us.

Ian, it sounds like you're speaking for the people. Are you qualified to do that? Are you the spokesperson for 'the people'?

Of course! I'm the spokesperson for 'the people'. The people simply don't know that I am the voice of their collective reason. I am the conscience for my generation. My generation, baby.

Horse shit!

Exactly. That's today's topic. I recently saw this advertisement for CBC's program The Current. I think The Current is a superb show but I take offence with its topic.

You're taking offence with horses? What did a horse ever do to you?

Umm, a horse once deposited me from its back onto pavement. I was not impressed and I've hated horses ever since. They're mean spirited...and they smell.

Not unlike you.

Stop sidetracking me! I want to speak about the text which appears in The Current's ad. It says: The Current: Northern Dancer the author of Northern Dancer: The Legendary Horse That Inspired A Nation discusses the 50th anniversary of the horse's victory at the Kentucky Derby.

I suppose I take offence with the title of the book and not with The Current, but that's just book marketing. Marketing: 49% genius, 51% horse shit, 23.5% marshmallow.

Ian Varty: The Legendary Mathematician That Inspired Three And A Half People.

A horse that inspired a nation? A horse that inspired a nation??!!?? C'mon. Don't you think that's a bit much? I mean, a horse runs around an oval track faster than other horses and it inspires a nation? Are we that pathetic a nation?

Hey, it's more than a just a horse running around a track. You can't choose to neglect the impressive fact that the horse was carrying a chimp-sized New Brunswick man on its back.

Okay, that's impressive. Seriously, a chimp-sized New Brunswick man? Now that's cool, but I must challenge the author of the book. I would contest his book's title. I don't think a horse would or could 'inspire a nation'.

It happened 50 years ago, Ian. Where were you on May 2, 1964, and what did you know about horses or the nation?

I was eight months old at the time. My mother (ma mere) fed me oatmeal. I crawled on grass, likely tried to eat it, and I pooed a lot. A blanket was wrapped over me when it was cold outside. I made annoying noises. I was exactly like Northern Dancer. Do I need to go on?

I'll concede that the similarities are staggering. Did you know that after winning the Kentucky Derby in 1964, Northern Dancer went on to become quite the stud...

"In the 1980s, Northern Dancer's stud fee reached US$1 million, an amount four to five times his rivals and a record amount that as of 2009 has not been equaled." from Wikipedia

Still comparing yourself to Northern Dancer, big boy?

Nope.