Is That A Chocolate Hare I See, Or Chocolate Heresy?

Sometime just after Halloween, in early November, and once your dentist has filled your last cavity and you've tested positively for early onset diabetes, the stores roll out the Christmas chocolate displays. Assuming that you survive Christmas and the week long Boxing Day sale, there is a brief hiatus before the Valentine's Day chocolate displays are in your face. About two minutes after Valentine's Day ends and you're finished showing your loved one how much you love her by fattening her up, at precisely 12:02 a.m. on February 15, they roll out the Easter candy display in stores across North America. Note: they don't do this in Europe because Europeans aren't gluttonous morons.

Revisiting Christmas and Easter for a moment, what is it with Christian 'holidays' and chocolate? Is Easter just a misspelling of 'eaters'? I don't remember chocolate being mentioned in the Bible, though I suppose I'd have to read it to find out.

You read The Fishing Bible once, when you were a teenager, didn't you, Ian?

I did, as a matter of fact. Teach a man to fish....blah blah blah. Today's blog is fishy, but not about fish. It's about foul....foul chocolate!

Look at today's image....what do you see? A milk chocolate Easter bunny and a white chocolate Easter bunny, right?

Wrong!

Let's have a closer look, Inspector Varty. Show us Exhibit A.

The small print says 'made with real milk chocolate' and the larger print says 'Crispy Solid Bunny'. We could spend a few minutes debating whether or not this bunny is going to be 'crispy' or not, but we'd be splitting hares.

The point I'm trying to make here is that this chocolate bunny is made of chocolate, 'real milk chocolate', as it should be. You're not, after all, going to get diabetes from a carob bunny. Go big or stay home, I say.

Now, in contrast to my dark love bunny, I present exhibit B...my beloved white chocolate bunny. I love white chocolate, and that's why today's blog is about heresy (hare, I see?).

A closer inspection of this bunny reveals small type that says 'white chocolatey' and the larger print says 'solid bunny'. Is it just me, or did you too hear the sound of screeching brakes when I said 'white chocolatey'?

Spell check doesn't even recognize 'chocolatey' as a word, so how can it be edible?? Watch this....I'll type in 'haggis smothered in dog shit and Vegemite'. See? No problem with spell check!

So, what the hell do they mean when they say 'white chocolately'? I suppose first and foremost, it ain't chocolate.

So what is it?

I suspect it's a blend of ear wax, sugar, powdered capelin scales, and gypsum dust. You might have noticed that the packaging shows a street sign that says 'Carnaby' which I believe to be a contraction of the three words 'Carnauba wax, b'y'. I think this product may have been made in Newfoundland. This comes as no surprise given that people in this province put buttered corn flakes on top of their dinner entrees.

Umm....question. Why isn't the white chocolatey bunny 'crispy' like the brown milk one?

Good question. What the hell is going on with white chocolate in today's world? Why are 'they' always trying to scam the white chocolate aficionados? Would you, my faithful readership of three and a half, like to help me with my research? Next time you're in Shoppers Drug Mart buying your insulin, take a look at the white 'chocolate' bunnies. Do they say 'chocolate' on the packaging? I'll bet they don't.