Unofficial Fashion Quiz

The other day I picked up the mail in our teeny tiny condo mailbox. I was hoping that someone/anyone would send us a cheque for something/anything. Sadly, there wasn't a cheque in the mail, but there was a magazine....

Fashion.

Fashion? That's odd. I never subscribed to Fashion and I doubt Wendy did either. The addressee of the magazine was indeed Wendy, so rather than tossing it into the recycle bin, I took it upstairs. I then went about my business in the condo: cooking, cleaning, painting, guitaring, etc. As it was a foul weather day, I spent more time indoors than usual. Eventually I ran out of things to do so I picked up the god damned Fashion mag and started leafing through it.

Appalled.

I'm not one to be shocked by anything, but let me just say that I was horrified by the frivolity of the fashion business. It made me wonder what the purpose of fashion really is. Is it to make one's self attractive in order to find (and keep) a mate? Was it to dress exactly like the models in order to appear like a truly unique one-of-a-kind individual? Is it to mask a lack of intelligence or depth of character? Or, was it for the owners of the cosmetics companies to make money from stupid and insecure people? I'm not sure.

Did you know that Toronto Fashion Week is from March 17-21. Did you know that March 17-21 doesn't actually constitute a week? Does this somehow say something about the fashion business?

Dr.Varty, can we have a little fun with fashion and not analyze it like a science? How about a fashion quiz?

Okay, that's what we'll do with today's blog. We'll have a fashion quiz! You may have noticed that I've numbered the images in today's blog image, one through sixteen. Take a sheet of paper at home and write down the numbers 1 through 16. Then, from my list below, choose the best response for each image and jot down the letter that best corresponds to the numbered picture. Got it? Good! Here goes.....

a) My mom, who's colour blind and an albino, just got a sewing machine and makes all my clothes.

b) I have a jaw like a lantern, so I use excessive eye make-up to draw the eye away from my chin.

c) Yes, I was necking with a chalkboard. What's your point?

d) My dad is Howard Dill and I just came in from the pumpkin patch.

e) Lipstick on a piglet?

f) The missing Jackson sister?

g) Though I'm young and pretty, I prefer to dress like a dowager.

h) My dad was Greek and my mom a Romulan.

i) I have a fear of orthodontists. 

j) With this hairdo, he'll find me irresistible (more bangs for your buck!).

k) I think I'll wear a great big giant dollop of whipped cream to Ascot this year.

l) I take my fashion lead from the Great Gazoo (or...does this helmet make my ass look big?).

m) Lipstick? Of course....not! My lips are just a natural shade of red.

n) I hate my job, which happens to be modeling a dead skunk frock, zebra collar and coconut shell cap.

o) The weed whacker is in the tool shed. I'll be right there and you can trim my hair.

p) I am a model. I am an actress. I am bilingual. Et j'adore Dior.