Fracking Causes Freckles On Redheads Too!

Once in a while I find something in the Daily Gleaner that is truly remarkable. It usually involves a catastrophic typo but this time it was a headline....

Fracking Causes Gonorrhea, And Other Economic Myths.

I love it! It's perhaps the most attention grabbing headline in the Gleaner since 1972 when 'Fire Department Saves Cat In Tree'. Silly Mittens...you never were much of a climber.

It's unfortunate that I didn't have time to read this article as I was on my way to the plastic surgeon to have my freckles removed, or was I on the way to the doctor to ask why gonorrhea is spelled with two 'Rs'?  No matter.

Gonorrhea? No one talks about gonorrhea, Ian. It's taboo!

Actually, I agree. In fact, I applaud your input <faint sound of clapping>. Not only should we not talk about gonorrhea, we shouldn't talk about anything that ends in 'rrhea' or starts with 'rhea'. For example, diarrhea. It's the kind of thing that no one wants to talk about. It'll never be fully understood anyway. Researchers keep investigating its cause, but they never seem to get to the bottom of it, and that's where the problem lives.

And then there's Rhea. Rhea Perlman. She was the actress who played Carla Tortelli on the shit hitcom Cheers (speaking of typos, Ian). Rhea is famous for three things:

1) being Carla on Cheers.
2) marrying Danny Devito.
3) being named after one of three things (I like lists, can you tell?):

3.1) Rhea is the Titaness daughter of the earth goddess Gaia and the sky god Uranus.
3.2) Rhea is the second-largest moon of Saturn.
3.3) Rhea is a great big giant flightless bird that looks like an ass on stilts.

So, in summary, Rhea is either the daughter of Uranus, a moon or a giant feathered ass. Detecting a theme here?

Somehow you have to move this blog back to the Daily Gleaner article, Ian. How do you propose to do that, and get away from your special brand of potty humour?

Well, before I get back to the Gleaner, let me just say that my research led me to the troubling discovery.....Rhea and Danny had split up in the fall of 2012. Yup, it's true, but before you get all sad and everything (I see Maria Panopalis crying), let me share this headline from People magazine (March 2013):

Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman Reunite – And You Loved It! The accompanying article went on to say 'Readers loved seeing that Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman are back together following their surprise separation last fall'.

Finally, a feel good story!

In conclusion, no matter how uninspiring the Gleaner usually is, it will never be as superficially awful as People magazine (or Live At 5, for that matter). With this week's Gonorrhea headline, I see the Gleaner climbing back to its rightful place among the literary greats of our time:

1) the Jemseg Lion News.

2) the Nutrition Action newsletter (this just in...candy bars not as healthy as kale!)

3) Auto Trader.

I thought today's blog was about fracking, Ian? Instead it was a clap trap.

Precisely.