Only The Shadow Knows

When I worked at Tilley Endurables during the turbulent late 1980s (the dog days of Duran Duran), I learned many things. For example, I learned that the average hat size for an adult male is 7 3/8. The average hat size for an adult female is 7 1/8. Women, on average, have slightly smaller heads than men.

Oh, do they....?

Take a look at this image that I took yesterday as Wendy and I strolled along Toronto's glorious downtown sidewalks, sun on our backs. Now, is it just me, or does my head look tiny compared to Wendy's? Notwithstanding that my head also happens to look very much like the tip of a penis. <sigh>

It's kind of depressing to think that today's blog is so gawd-awfully mundane that I have lowered myself to street level where grubby boots tread on frozen spit, cigarette butts, salt and dog shit. Gone is the excitement of the polar vortex. It would appear that I'm now settling in to everyday life in Toronto. I am but a shadow of my former self.

You're also a dickhead, Ian, and today's picture proves it!

I wonder out loud what I could do to make my shadow more manly, not that my phallic shadow isn't 'manly'. Maybe I could wear a huge hat or a fro wig? Maybe, like Wendy, I could wear a hood, although I can't stand not having peripheral vision in a city where there's a one in three chance of being hit by a car, a bike or a head-down-texting tunnel-bear. Maybe I could move to Vancouver where they don't have shadows in the winter (you need sunlight to make a proper shadow)? Perhaps I should become a street walker at night?

Or perhaps I, and you, nous, or we, should look at my shadow in a different light altogether? Use your imagination to no longer see me as the silhouette of a Jewish porn star. See me as a chess piece. Look at my shadow again....

I. Am. The. Bishop.

I see you as more of a pawn, Ian.

So be it. If I must be a shadowy pawn, then I'll be the best shadow pawn I can be. I will be a pawn star! Doh!!