Ouch....uppity bitches??
Well, it's no secret that the world of design is populated with gay guys. I make no claim of being sage-like in my prediction. Just take a look at the television design shows, they're all hosted by gay men. Take Stephen and Chris, for example, or Linda Reeves. All gay men, I think. I innocently misspelled Steven's name as I've never seen the show he co-hosts, yet I know the faces of the hosts. As a 'tribute' to my own sexuality, I have no idea which one is Steven and which one is Chris. Straight! I made another faux-pas, apparently...a quick fact check alerted me to the reality that Linda is actually Lynda, perhaps once Lyndon??
You really are an asshole, Ian.
I am kidding, of course, it's just that since the demise of Baywatch, television personalities often seem so genderless. I ask you, is Steve Murphy a man or a woman, or just some smoothed over cartoon character?
Speaking of CTV luminaries, was Ben Mulroney there, Ian, or did he just send in his army of clones? And what of the uppity bitches?
His army of clones was there, no question. As for the uppity bitches, I'm going to apologize upfront for tagging this group with such a miserable handle. First of all, they're not bitches. They're sensitive human beings who wear too much perfume while measuring their own shallow self-worth, and that of others, by the clothes on their collective backs and the tiles on their Gucci-graced floors (as if I actually 'know' this...refer back to 'you're really an asshole, Ian'). It would appear that thread count and sofa fabric matter more to them than body count and/or moral fibre. Of course there's also global warming, war, mass starvation, genocide, or the fuel economy of sub-compact automobiles to consider. I doubt they care much about Nascar, to their credit, but hey(!), did you see that carved jade vanity on aisle K?
Maybe we should go back to calling them uppity bitches? It seems gentler somehow. So why were you there, Ian?
Good question. The fact is that I appreciate design, I just don't happen to worship it. I want good design in my life, but I'm not willing to sell my soul for it. When I see a mucky-muck driving a Ferrari on the streets of Toronto, I do everything in my power not to gawk. The fact of the matter is that I love the design of Ferraris and I want to drool all over them. Here's the kicker....do I want one? Of course not. They're completely impractical for where we live. Potholes would eat them. You'd never get them out of first gear. An oil change likely costs $1000 if you're lucky enough to have a Ferrari dealership within a thousand miles. As fate would have it, there's a dealership in Jemseg, but I still can't justify the $180 000 price tag.
So much of what I saw at the design show I would covet, but much of it is just way over the top and, frankly Frankweena, unnecessary. From today's image, take a look at the tuffet upon which I sat my little Miss Muffet eating my curds and whey (from Whole foods, you know). Funky, fun, vibrant...but it's not going to fit in the elevator of my condo, let alone through my door. That sofa, in fact, is bigger than my living room. Maybe it's all just a joke, like couture? Maybe everyone's in on a giant hoax except me.
Ian, I think you were punked!
Sometimes I wonder. I saw a $38 000 painting at the show that was nothing special. I saw multi-thousand dollar rugs that I'd be scared to walk on. Most of what I saw was so over-the-top gorgeous that it could only exist in a childless society. It's a 'watch the china!' world in which the design professionals would have us live. I think I'm more suited to padded walls, bean bag chairs and feather pillow fights with 'the Bunnies', yet here I am in tony Toronto. I saw throw cushions at the show worth more than my car. It's madness...and I'm amused by it all, but sometimes I wonder....
Is life but a lark about to be plucked?
Lark feather pillows, $2995, available on aisle C.
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