The Pot-holed Road To Sochi

For some unknown reason, the Olympic Games have gone out of favour with me. I've been wracking my brains trying to figure out why, but I can't pinpoint the reason. It might be because of all the doping scandals, that's definitely a kick to our shriveled nuts (men), or a kick to your newly minted set of knicker knuggets (women). Doping certainly takes the fun out of the games. You don't know what's real anymore...and those skin tight suits don't lie!

In many ways it's that same kind of uncertainty you get when you're eating a cob of corn at the annual company picnic. You know the feeling, right? Choking down those tender little buttery niblets, all the while wondering if the corn was genetically modified. You go to bed with the ambiguity of not knowing what will become of your 'downstairs' organs by morning. You know, I used to be very muscly woman but then one day I ate a pita wrap made from genetically modified wheat. By sun up I was a weakling...and a man!

Sigh.

What else bugs me about the Olympics? Well, the Disney-fied opening and closing ceremonies. Can't we simply sing the national anthems, toot some trumpets and get on or off with the events? Apparently not. The opening and closing ceremonies have gone all Hollywood. Ack.

There's also the on-going problem with the events themselves. Most events at the Olympics are out of reach of the average, non-doped, genetically unmodified New Brunswicker. Take the ski jump, for example. The province of New Brunswick can't seem to find the cash to fill potholes, so how the hell are we going to provide our citizens with a 90 metre ski jump. Inevitably this leads to the burning question of 'who, in their right mind, would want to tie on a pair of over-sized skis and fling themselves off such a monstrosity'? I've seen depressed, suicidal lemmings back down from the ski jump.

Sigh (that's two sighs now, if you're counting).

What about the biathlon, Ian? That's within reach of most New Brunswickers.

Oh, I just heard a voice! Did someone mention the biathlon? Last time I cross-country skied through the UNB woodlot with a rifle, I was taken down by a SWAT team. In hindsight, I thought it odd that a helicopter was following me as I made my way through the forest...and now I have a criminal record. Lesson learned.

I think one other 'issue' I have with the Olympics is that they're no fun. It's serious business when you're careening down or along something at break neck speeds. For example, if you win the gold medal in the four women/mixed race/short track/speed skating/reverse polarity/bi-partisan/semi-palmated event , then you're going to be rich. If not, you'll be sitting next to a wood fire in Siberia, trying to roast your new found nuts.

The image that I posted today, if you click on it, will take you to a video that, in my mind, takes us back to the essence of athleticism. Man vs. nature. Man vs.himself. It's old school. No one is going to die. No national anthem needs to be sung (sorry, Measha). It's accessible to one and all, but more than anything...it's fun!

Fun....that elusive quality that the Olympic Games seems to be missing. If the Olympics included an event where twelve participants from different countries raced down a ski hill on GT Sno-racers, then I'd be the first person to tune in. This kind of event would be a riot! I might even buy a 92 inch plasma/hemoglobin/plutonium powered television to watch the games at home, or I might fly to Newfoundland to watch them on Jason's 108 incher! 

Did you know that when you upload a video on Youtube you must choose a category into which your video best fits? All of the GT SNo-racer videos that I've made in the past two weeks have not been put into the 'sports' category where you might expect to find them. I put them into the 'comedy' category because they're fun.

I think I may have discovered my secret beef with the Olympics....the fun is gone. Almost every sport in which I participate personally is fun. I do it for the pure joy of it. The only 'fun' in the Olympics is the debate over state sponsored athletic funding. After every Olympic Games, the questions arise as to whether or not we should have won more medals as a country. Inevitably that leads to the cry that we need to give our athletes more money.

And I just want the potholes in our roads fixed. Sigh.

Wow, three sighs! That's a blog record!! You're definitely going for the gold this morning, Ian.

Sigh.