2015 - The Banning Of The Beige

We started 2015 on a great note....a family party at our place. I know, I know....that doesn't make sense. Let me extrapolate. We held a Nielsen family party and we served a salad as the main course.

A salad? No one eats salad as a main course over the holidays, Ian! That's culinary blasphemy!! Surely you had a turkey on the table?

The only turkey was the one diving into the Cheesie bowl, and I was like Cousteau on crack. Gawd I'm out of control when there's snack food around. It's pathetic.

So, I ate an amazing salad for the main course <insert the sound of cheers>, but what did I eat before I got to the main course? Let's list some of the culprits:

- chips
- the aforementioned Cheesies (the hard, gnarly, addictive like crack-cocaine types)
- pigs in a blanket
- meatballs
-tortilla twists
- shrimp
- sugary citrus shaped slices of candy
- crackers and hummus
- crackers and Emile Zola. Sorry, I meant to write Gorgonzola.
- celery sticks with something weirdly beige in them.

Note: I purposely neglected to include Aunt Carolyn's crab dip in my list because I fear that she might be developing a complex with regard to my dissing of beige food. She made Christmas Eve's spectacularly delicious seafood casserole that I thoughtlessly lumped in with all the other shite I ate over the holidays (in a previous, dastardly blog). Carolyn made a delicious crab dip for the New Year's Day party, which I enjoyed immensely. I tip my (Tilley) hat to Carolyn.

Hopefully the above paragraph will get me back in Carolyn's good books!

I should mention that I washed down my food with juice BUT it wasn't 100% juice. It's what the industry calls a 'cocktail'. A cocktail, by definition, is a drink made of at least two ingredients, one of which must be unpalatable on its own. In yesterday's case the label said cranberry but it's actually made of a blend of apple and grape juice (the mutts of the juice world). Even the dog juices took a back seat to the cocktail's first two ingredients: water, glucose/fructose. Cocktail drinks are evil and should not be consumed by human beings, lab rats or even the lowest of the lows...Leafs fans.

Oh, and we had brownies for dessert!

I've decided to start 2015 right and the only way I can do that is to begin 2015 on January 2. I'm having leftover salad for breakfast....happily!

Happy New Year! Now, let us purge.