The Price Of Oil, Essentially

So I was sitting on the sofa last evening, minding my own business. Wendy sat down next to me (married couples do this) and everything was just hunky-dory until I smelled something odd. It wasn't what you might think....no, it smelled like pizza. Our plan was to have pizza for supper so this shouldn't have been startling, except that we were planning on going out for pizza!

How the hell could the condo smell like pizza when no one was making pizza? Was I dreaming of the smell of pizza? I turned to Wendy and made a startling proclamation. I said "I smell pizza." Wendy then exhaled in my general direction. She had pizza breath! How could this be, I asked.

Wendy explained to me that she just ingested a sip of oil of oregano. "Oil of oregano", I gasped, then added "but we're going out for pizza! Why not wait and eat some pizza?" Wendy believes that oil of oregano will perform the following miracles:

- kill germs when you first feel that troubling tickling in your throat that indicates a cold may be brewing.
- that is all.

Wendy claims that it's a natural antiseptic, like Listerine. Hmm, why not use Listerine? Sorry, that was silly 'man thinking', or as Wendy might say 'silly man' thinking.

I asked Wendy how much a 30ml bottle of Oil Of Oregano cost? She said about $20 and she qualified that statement by saying it lasts her a year. When a woman tells you something costs about $20, you know of course that it doesn't cost $20. When a woman uses the word 'about', it means 'way more than'. So 'about $20' means 'way more than $20'. Being generous (today only). let's assume that the 'essential oil' (love that term!) is $22. But not just $22....when a woman tells you the price of something, she never ever includes tax. Don't think me sexist as I readily admit men do the same. My chainsaw was only $300. In fact it was $399....plus tax. And $150 for work boots. $45 for gloves. $85 for helmet with face guard. None of these other figure include tax, by the way.

The big difference is that I didn't buy a chainsaw and all the accouterments.

Here's another interesting way that I operate differently from Wendy. Wendy spends about $20 a year on the essential oil of oregano. That gets her 30 ml of the magic elixir. Let's crunch some numbers and turn that into a price per litre, keeping in mind that the second most precious liquid on Earth, gasoline, was selling for 74 cents per litre at Costco the other day. So a litre of oil of oregano is about $660.

$660 per litre! Plus taxes!! Oil be damned!!!

We went to an Italian restaurant last night and I had an $18 pizza. It was the cheapest thing on the menu! That tickle in my throat seems to have disappeared, amazingly. I can only assume that there was 5 cents worth of dry oregano on my pizza....or maybe, just maybe, the tickle was never in my throat, just in my fantastic mind.

Editor's Note: As of the writing of this blog, Wendy is still married to Ian. Stay tuned.

In other news....I saw in the grocery store the other day (tabloid section) that Bruce Jenner is now a woman.