Church Of Scientology...Now Under Renovation

Well it's about time!

I don't have much time to spend researching the Church Of Scientology because I have other more important tasks to perform, like reading People magazine, or flossing. I did take thirty seconds to 'discover'  that Scientologists believe that evolution exists but it is being controlled or directed by a higher force. I can only assume they're referring to God, Oprah or Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof.

Okay, so Oprah is not a Scientologist. She is, in fact, a religion unto herself. Look at the legions of devout worshippers. Jesus watches the O Network, I'm told.

And what of Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof, Ian?

Okay, I'll confess that I Googled a list of former Scientologists and Peaches H.B. Geldof made the cut. No surprise that she's the daughter of Sir Bob. What kind of a boom town rodent would call his daughter Peaches?

Perhaps Apple was already taken? <smirking>

The curious thing about sweet little Peaches is that she and her husband (lead singer of a band called S.C.U.M.) called their daughter Phaedra Bloom Forever.

What's a Phaedra? Can it be surgically removed without scarring??

Initially Phaedra was a character in Greek mythology suffering from the usual Greek maladies: devalued currency, high inflation, overabundance of eyebrow. Phaedra, in later life, became a film, opera, ballet, plant, butterfly and an album title for the band Tangerine Dream.

A fruitful exposé, Ian!

Oh my darling....if you only knew. So, getting back to Scientology, take a look at this next image....

The Church of Scientology isn't actually being renovated, it's the building that's getting a face lift (like my readership of three...we lost one....didn't see that coming). The contractors will 'pretty' it up and make Yonge Street a better looking place to be accosted by beggars, thwarted by zombie text-walkers, and violated by the religiously insane. Mrs.Dress-up got off lightly (not really, R.I.P.).

I'm sure the renovation will see new windows installed, and a twinkling coat of paint will add star power. The facade will be intoxicatingly beautiful, like Tom Cruise's chiseled chin and any of his ex-wive's arses.

That's all well and good, but they really should have a good look at the foundation of the church, don't you think?

A classic understatement from the voice of reason.