Don't Dress Like A Dingo's Breakfast

Distraught mother: A dingo ate my baby.

Toronto 911 dispatch: Calm down. I'll need some more information. What was your child wearing at the time?

Distraught mother: she was wearing a white top, white skirt and leggings. Over top was a fur vest with matching fur ankle warmers.

Toronto 911 dispatch: A fur vest? Is this a hoax? You're not calling from Yorkville, are you?

Distraught Mother: Of course!

Toronto 911 Dispatch: Can you describe the vest?

Distraught mother: Yes. It looks like a cross between a dead wallaby and a plate full of intestines.

Toronto 911 Dispatch: where did you buy this vest?

Distraught mother: at a children's store on Avenue Road, just north of Bloor.

Toronto 911 Dispatch: So you dress your child up like a dingo's favourite food, and now you're claiming that she's been eaten by a dingo?

Distraught mother: Yes, that's correct.

Toronto 911 Dispatch: I'm curious, how much did this vest cost?

Distraught mother: It was very expensive. Too expensive to mention. You knowwww....I have a lot of money.

Toronto 911 Dispatch: I'll send an officer over immediately. Clearly a crime has been committed.

Distraught mother: Oh! Never mind. My daughter just came home. She's alright. Apparently the nanny took her out shopping for a head.

Toronto 911 Dispatch:  She's lost her head, eh? It must run in the family. Outside of Yorkville, in the real world, your child wouldn't stand a chance dressed like this. She'd be mocked and ridiculed, if not eaten by sidewalk shit-hounds. How dare you dress a child so stupidly?!