Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Obsessive Repulsive? Not At All!

Over the years Julian and I have fixated on some pretty interesting characters and/or things. In the early days we had a fascination of N.B.Tel's feature creatures. Next on the list was the Hostess Munchies, followed closely by the A&W Root Bear. The giant potato at Karl Harvey's farm used to send Julian into spasms of excitement.

Sensing a theme? It's true, over-sized mascots/creatures were of particular interest. Eventually his (our!) childhood fascination of grotesque mascots waned, though not to say we've let go completely. My condo is home to a small Root Bear and a plastic Spiderman Rhino. Let us join in worship.

As Julian became a teenager he began to shift his attention to NFL football which also features over-sized, grotesque characters. Somewhere during his teens (and my on-going adolescence) we became intrigued by Canadian Tire's advertising spokesperson. Remember him? The bearded know-it-all who was able to draw a MotoMaster Teflon Flex Grip wiper blade out of his back pocket just at the moment when some hapless driveway warrior needed one. As if not enough, in the next ad he was using his MotoMaster Pavement Perfector pressure washer to clean your driveway and/or wet your wife's t-shirt. Sometimes he was peeking over your fence to see if you had a MotoMaster Backyard Beast barbeque and/or spy on your wife. If not, he made you look bad, with his perfectly grilled steaks, until you bought one. These ads ran for eight years and had a profound impact on Canadians. They became, quite honestly, iconic, and that's when Canadian Tire dropped them.

One of my 'research associates' found this report on-line: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn170jK6O4s. It's riveting stuff (MotoMaster Riveters, aisle 3) that made the national news....everywhere.

This Youtube link chronicles the rise and fall of the Canadian Tire guy. The media made it sound like the ad campaign was a failure. I disagree. I think it may have been the most successful Canadian advertising foray ever. It has/had the power to displace Hinterland Who's Who as my all-time favourite.

Now, Julian and I are not particularly interested in power tools.  I have a bench saw, mitre saw, cross-cut saw, grinder, drill, sander and Dremel. Though I may be one power tool shy of being a lesbian, take note that none of my tools are MotoMaster. Julian has an electric shaver, also not MotoMaster. We were not fascinated by the Canadian Tire products, per say. We were amazed by how much the Canadian Tire guy reminded us of three people who we knew.

Let's break this down for a moment. The Canadian Tire guy was a tall, bearded know-it-all who was obsessed with gadgets. To protect the identity of our three friends/acquaintances, I won't mention their names in this blog, but the resemblance, one way or the other, is uncanny. I'm purposely not mentioning the name of the actor who played the Canadian Tire guy, in writing, to protect his privacy. Why, you might ask?

Because he lives in my building!

Yup, it's true. Last week I was in our condo's gym and I spotted a guy who looked like the Canadian Tire guy. Because of my 'obsession' I decided that it was a case of wanting something so badly that my imagination made it happen. I think it's known as being delusional. On Sunday I was in the gym again and in walked the same guy. I had a better look at him this time and I was 50% sure that it was him. Fifty percent is a horrible number because you're just as likely to make an ass of yourself talking to a look alike as you are to sighting a Canadian icon. I once spoke to a Steven Peacock look alike in the Regent Mall parking lot.

Not wanting to embarrass myself I grabbed my MotoMaster Earth Crusher shovel and did some further digging, as did my trusty research associate. We found the name of the actor who was used in Canadian Tire's advertising program. Upon exiting my building yesterday I scrolled through the list of tenants in our building's directory, and guess what? His name was on the list.

So.......I live in the same condo as Canada's Most Irritating Man. How cool is that? In fairness to the actor, he's not really Canada's most irritating man....not even close. Ben Mulroney is by far Canada's most irritating man. No one comes close to Ben, except perhaps his father. Bieber is well on his way to becoming Canada's most irritating adolescent wanker. Perhaps he's already arrived (??) and I will forever be Canada's Dick Clark (oldest teenager).

So, what to do now that I know that I live in the same building as the Canadian Tire guy? Good question. I'm not going to talk to him about the ads as he's probably sick of any further attention. He may be rather smug about the ads, who knows? In all likelihood, that ad campaign paid for his condo in cash, or more precisely, in Canadian Tire dollars. I think I'll just leave him alone, allowing him to bask silently in his celebrity. It's a shame, really, because my gas-powered lawn mower hasn't been working properly and no one has been able to give me sage advice.

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