When Wendy was little her father had the bright idea to get the kids a Shetland pony. I don't think he was completely aware of what he had done. Imagine taking a regular, evil horse and then distilling it down into a Danny DeVito sized package, and then forcing it to evolve on one of our Earth's most inhospitable places. No, not Winnipeg or Minto...worse! The Shetland Islands!! If I'm not mistaken, 'shet' is how the Scottish say 'shit'.
So, to summarize...you've take a diminutive horse with a Napolean complex from its ancestral home of the Shitland Island, then you put it on a diminutive boat to Canada. Finally you take the miserable little beast and place it in a diminutive stall in Harvey Station! All those negative diminutives create a positively huge problem. No wonder the wretched animal kicked Wendy in the ovaries (though I'm sure she didn't deserve it).
In Wendy's case she remembers, as a child, being terrified of the Shitland pony, and this was before the kick to the egg carton. I suspect the pony was equally terrified of her. I think I'll retract my statement that horses are evil. They're not. Horse owners are not evil either, just sorely delusional.
From the Collection Of Bad Ideas, here's #1: let's put our tiny child in a stall (cage) with four powerful legs that are trying to destroy her. To put this in context, try to imagine going 8 seconds bareback on Beyoncé....now turn her arms into another pair of flailing legs. Pure terror. Pure genius.
The horse that I fell off was put under me by a neighbour. My horse owning neighbour gave me one rein and a blanket to sit on before her friend whacked the horse on the hind quarter...and off I went to my pending doom. Perhaps it is the friends of horse owners that are evil?
I've never met an evil animal in my life, other than humans. Oh, wait...I can think of one animal that is evil....the Sheltie. Did you know that a Sheltie is a Shetland sheepdog?
I'm detecting a Shetland/Shitland theme with evil overtones, Ian.
Seriously....what is it about the Shetland Islands that seems to breed miserable little monsters? Hey(!)...what do you really know about the Shetland Islands? If your education didn't include any facts about the Shetland Islands, then I'd encourage you to click on the link below to discover 24 things you didn't know about the Shetland Islands:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/chriscope/24-things-about-living-in-shetland-igii#.ceaZx9vWE
As an interesting side note, I did a search to see what famous people came from the Shetland Islands. There were none.
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