Run Fast From Tiffany's

Tiffany, Young and Ellis began in 1837 in New York City as a "stationary and fancy goods emporium". According to Wikipedia, Charles Tiffany took over the store in 1853, renamed it Tiffany & Company and placed an emphasis on jewelry. Given that the company is still standing, I'd say that they've done well for themselves. The company now has stores in at least 22 countries and sales in the billions. Their shares trade on the New York Stock exchange. Pretty impressive, eh, but....

Their poster creeps me out.

The poster depicts 'the perfect couple' living in 'the perfect world'. Don't we all aspire for this: a Christmas tree decorated with diamonds, too many Christmas presents under the tree, everything nestled in Tiffany boxes. All of this in an ice-princess penthouse in NYC. It's devoid of any Christmas cheer, in my opinion. The 'humans' give me the shivers. I put humans in quotes because they don't actually look human. It looks like Madame Tussaud left the gate unlocked and two slipped out.

Oh, but you do wax eloquently, Ian.

Take a closer look. The woman has the most fake smile imaginable. I'll bet her name is actually Tiffany. She's trying to say 'I'm happy' but I think she's very, very sad. Why wouldn't she be sad? Look at her husband! He looks like a complete nut-bar.

"Oh, Henry, pass me that gold and diamond encrusted ornament, would you?"

"Yes, my precious. You know I was able to afford these lavish Tiffany ornaments by selling sub-prime mortgages. Isn't life, for us, just maarrrrrvelous."

Do you remember the Borg from the Star Trek movies. They were 'cybernetically enhanced humanoids drones'. Half their faces were 'normal', half electronic drone. Well, I'd like to see the other half of this couple's faces. Let's just say I'm suspicious.

Despite my leeriness toward the Tiffany Christmas poster, Tiffany manages to prosper. Their store on Toronto's Bloor Street seems to be busy when I walk past it. I've never stopped in, but I'm not one to shop in jewelry stores, particularly stores that are famous for selling diamond encrusted cellphones.

I did a quick on-line search to see what the cheapest thing in a Tiffany's store would be....it might be a Christmas ornament for under one hundred quahogs (clams are for muckrakers, quahogs for mucky-mucks).

Question: if I walked into the Tiffany's store in Toronto, what would be the cheapest thing in the store?

Answer: me.

I will not be assimilated.